Playmates, Play Dates and Playground Rules

In a bid to ensure that my children do not become social outcasts, I’m continually involving them in various activities, whether it is Girl Guides, Sunday school, community events, or after school play dates. Thanks to my own doing, this week I was faced with an enormous social calendar for my children, whilst mine remained notably empty.

However, these gatherings are never smooth sailing, and as they squabble or come home in tears, I’m often left wondering why I continue to set them up. I keep assuring myself that eventually my children will learn some social graces that will serve them well for future dinner parties in their adult life. For the moment, I’m trying to guide them through this tricky learning curve, that even as adults we still occasionally battle with.

Each day I get a run-down of the playground politics – no one plays with Zac because he “smells funny”; Sam is the boss of all the games; Jessica wore an ugly dress so she wasn’t allowed to play tag; and Zoey is the current best friend because she shared her chocolate biscuit. Best friends are another chapter all on its own – they break-up and make-up as quickly and easily as anything over a Barbie shoe.As a parent, you worry about the day that no one wants to play with your child because they either “smell funny”, wore an ugly outfit, or heaven forbid, have the wrong colour school bag. There is only so much you can do (read: sniffing your children each morning, scouting the school playground for what passes as cool attire and checking the bag racks for the colour de rigueur), the rest will have to go down as life experiences that build their character.

Although the socialisation skills of children are somewhat questionable, their antics have got me thinking how we as adults conduct our friendships. The simplicity of approaching all friendships with such candour is very appealing. Sometimes it would be great to say outright exactly why you can’t be friends for a while instead of pretending to get along and that all is okay. Or to go up to someone and simply ask “I like you, can we be friends?”

So whilst I won’t be telling a friend that I can’t play with her today because she’s wearing last season’s autumn wear, I will endeavour to have more “open” friendships. It appears that the art of friendship may just be child’s play.